Bear Scouts

Growing up with Mom was always colourful and she never ceased to amaze me. One of my favorite things about Mom was the large number of unusual poems and sayings that she had. Some of these Mom-isms include…

“If wishes were horses then beggars would ride”

“Sixes and Sevens”

“One crow sorrow, two crow joy, three a letter, four a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret never to be told”

“If you lie with the dogs you get up with the fleas”

“You can’t soar with the eagles if you hoot with the owls”

“Red sky at night sailors delight, red sky at morning sailors taking warning”

“All this and heaven too”

"Be careful what you wish for: you just might get it"

But I think that my own personal favorite was based on a Berenstain Bears book that we read a lot as kids. Every time I was heading out the door Mom would call after me, “Goodbye small bear, good luck, have fun.” Over the years we added our own lines and veered farther and father from the words on the page. Some of the time I think that our versions were much better then the original. It was our tradition.

That is something that I will miss so much about Mom – hearing that mantra every time I walk out the door.

Punk Walkers

Mom’s love and support for others was always visible; she was always there with an ear or a batch of Rice Krispies. In early 2005, when a friend of hers died after a long brutal battle with cancer, she decided that she needed to do something that would make a difference. She decided that – as mother and daughter – we would participate in the Weekend to End Breast Cancer. The Weekend is a 60 kilometer walk around Toronto over two days that raises funds for research, awareness, and treatment of breast cancer.

That year was Mom’s 60^th birthday and rather then a big party with lavish gifts Mom asked that we sponsor her on her journey to end breast cancer. We knocked on doors, held garage sales, harassed family members, sold pears on street corners (“Buy a pear to save a pair”) and in the end she managed to surpass her aggressively high fund raising goal. She was so proud of herself, as we all were. During the walk Mom was a champ. Though it wasn’t easy, she managed to pound every step of the 60 kilometers by herself, all the while making a number of new friends. She was so happy when she crossed the finish line and even though her aching legs and blistered feet wanted to go home and rest, nothing could stop Mom from going out for wings and beer to celebrate.

That is something that I will miss so much about Mom – the fact that there was no changing her mind once she had decided on accomplishing something – especially if it was going to make a difference in the lives of others.

Apron Strings

May 31^st, 1996, Mom threw me a wonderful “little girl” 18^th birthday party. All my girl friends were invited and we played games, ate cake, made silly necklaces, got loot bags; it was everything that I had asked for. But, something that I hadn’t asked for was a little ceremony – the “Ceremony of the Strings” – that my Mom performed. The Ceremony had originated with my great grandmother and marked the time in a girl’s life where she begins to assert her independence. At the time I thought that it was silly, but now plan on keeping the tradition with my children. When I look back and reflect on that day, and on the ceremony that was intended to mark the beginning of my independence, I now realize how much those apron strings are still intact.

That is something that I will miss so much about Mom – she always made sure that every birthday was special and we knew how much she loved and appreciated us.

Dogs and pets

Over the years we had a large number of pets, and while some of them were only “farm pets” and not “house pets,” once they were officially adopted into the family they received a name. It was normally an unusual or unique name, and some definitely were more creative then others, but it was a name nonetheless. There were Two Face and Two Face’s Baby, Princess and Prince, Solomon, Beethoven, Buddy, Missy, King Duck, Mr. Stinky, Coo coo ca-choo , Stevie the blind kitten, Jordan the chicken, Scooter, My Guy, Little Guy, Rontu, Sad face, Bonnie and Bonnie’s Little Guy – just to name a few.

No matter how much I promised that this time I would look after them, in the end Mom always ended up as the primary caregiver. She did this without complaining because in the end she loved each one of those cats, dogs, chickens, ducks, and goats as much as any of us.

That is something that I will miss so much about Mom – her love of all of God’s creatures, great or small.

Tim Horton’s Coffee

Mom loved her coffee. Every trip was required to include a stop at Tim Horton’s to pick up coffee, and no matter the time of day I never thought of showing up to her house without a coffee for her in hand. Now Mom did her coffee like she did everything else in her life – different. Mom’s coffee order wasn’t typical; it was a large black coffee with creamers and a small cup on the side. Mom liked to pour her coffee from the large cup into the small cup because it was easier for her to drink from the small cup, but she liked having the rest of the large coffee available for top ups. She also liked to put in her own cream (also into the small cup) because she believed that it kept her remaining coffee warmer longer.

Over the years I attempted to change Mom’s Tim’s coffee order, but to no avail. I just got used to the look of confusion that I received from the Tim’s employees when I ordered her coffee.

That is something that I will miss so much about Mom – the smile on her face when you showed up unannounced with a large black Tim Horton’s coffee with creamers and a small cup on the side.

Green Hat

In October of 1988 Mom and Paul finally got married. It was a beautiful ceremony and Mom made a point of making sure that all of us kids were included in their day. I was ecstatic to be given the role of flower girl – there aren’t many girls who get the chance to be their mother’s flower girl. I was so nervous, and so walked quite slowly and deliberately, and this caused Jeff to step on the back of my feet a number of times as he walked Mom down the aisle.

I will always remember how beautiful she looked that day. In her traditionally unconventional manner Mom wore a stunning sea green dress. To her there could have been nothing more appropriate for her special day.

That is something that I will miss so much about Mom – her self confidence. She never worried what people would think or say, she just worried about being herself and the best Mom she could be.

Tiara

Even though it is hard to believe, long before any of us children were even a glimmer in my Mom’s eye she had a life of her own: the life of a beauty queen. I often asked Mom to recount her pageant days, to describe the car that she sat perched on the back of during the parade or the official store openings that she attended as Miss Halifax. I often bragged to my friends that my Mom was the most beautiful girl in Halifax – hands down – and that was why she had won. The times where I was allowed to play with her sash and tiara are some of my most vivid memories; I remember walking around the house in my pajamas, sparklingly crowned.

As a young girl, her life before kids seemed so glamorous and I wondered how she could have possibly given it all up for us. She told me one time that all the glamour in the world couldn’t replace the joy of having children. And that having a child is like watching part of your heart walking around outside your body. I think that the part of my Mom that started me died with her, and in its place it has left a hole that will never heal and a pain that will never go away.

That is something that I will miss so much about Mom – her unconditional love of her children. We didn’t have a lot growing up, but Mom always made sure that it was more then enough.